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Everybody’s Stupid, Part XXIII

In the black community, being “real” means being argumentative, confrontational, undisciplined, and primitively inelegant. A “real nigga” is somebody who is most likely to get killed or arrested over some bullshit at some point in their life, and life-altering drama generally follows “real niggas” throughout their lives. In the rest of the world, being real simply means being a genuine, honest, forthcoming, upstanding, reliable person. A liar is a coward, thief, traitor, abuser, manipulator, and worse all rolled up into one! A liar is the type of motherfucker who only lies, then turns around and exhausts every ounce of energy they can muster to convince you that they would never lie and they hate liars! I have been a mean-ass motherfucker for as long as I can remember, and it’s because I’ve understood people for as long as I’ve hated them. My entire family is dysfunctional and mentally ill. Any time I’ve ever attempted to converse with my relatives about how fucked-up their heads are, they’ve hopped on some “I know you are, but what am I” type shit. They are pathetic! I’ve always been emotionally mature, and even when I wasn’t comfortable expressing my emotions, I understood how I felt and why I felt that way. I recently experienced a marijuana-induced panic attack that seemingly made me even more conscious than I’ve always been. Firstly, I only started smoking weed a few months ago, so I’m sure my tolerance for THC is low. Secondly, I had never experienced a panic attack before, so I didn’t know I was having a panic attack until about 10 minutes into a dazed, heart-pounding episode that was terrifying enough to prompt me to Google heart attack symptoms. When I realized that I wasn’t having a heart attack, I started to think about all the people that supposedly died from smoking synthetic marijuana, even though I knew my weed was real. My panic attack started with a slight pressure at the back of my head that led down to the base of my neck. Then, my heart rate increased exponentially, followed by a simultaneous numbing and tingling sensation over my entire body. I was hyperventilating slightly, but I could control my breathing. Next, I could feel the blood rushing through every single vein in my body. Also, my ears were ringing. During this panic attack, that lasted for what felt like at least an hour, nobody in the world could have convinced me that I wasn’t dying! It was so bad, I had 911 on speed dial and all my kinkiest porn in the recycle bin! I was scared! Eventually, after six bottles of water, a couple handfuls of Hershey’s chocolate miniatures, and a lot of praying to a God that I still didn’t believe in while I thought I was dying, the attack subsided, and it changed me a little bit.

I’ve never been much of a spiritual person, because I’m too much of a realest. Realism is just the practice of accepting things for what they are and always being prepared to deal with those things accordingly. I’m not the type of person who needs to psych myself out to manage a difficult situation, I’d rather just be scared, confused, unsure, or whatever while I use all those uncomfortable feelings to motivate me to maneuver through the situation swiftly and successfully. Essentially, that’s what fear is for! Fear is meant to help you either fight, flee, or surrender, it all depends on who you are and what motivates you. I’ve never felt fear like I felt during that panic attack! But, believing that I knew for a fact that I was about to die, and surviving that, changed the things that make me anxious. Panicking like that removed a lot of the everyday anxiety that I didn’t even know I was feeling. I also felt like I got a glimpse into the mind of a “real nigga”. Something about being that scared excited me, because I felt alive! Nothing feels more real than believing you’ll never feel anything ever again! In a sense, I wanted to live just to see if I could survive being even more afraid than I was. I also want to experience pleasure as intense as that fear was. Well, that stuff, and I’m naturally not ready to die, period. We already know that adrenaline rushes are addictive. Some people take certain drugs specifically for the heightened adrenaline affect. Fear, anxiety, and excitement release the adrenaline that your body stores for those fight or flight moments, and I’m certain a lot of gun violence participants become addicted to that rush. No, that’s not an excuse for “real niggas” being selfish/self-destructive, homicidal/suicidal motherfuckers who only victimize the people they claim they relate the most to. But, “real niggas” are human beings, so what should we expect? It’s ironic how “real niggas” are some of the fakest, most lying-est motherfuckers around. One of the biggest misconceptions people have about “real niggas” is that they’re strong-minded, fearless badasses who don’t give a fuck about anyone or anything. That is such a hysterical thinking error!

What type of person is always upset, always offended, always defensive, always arguing, and always ready to fight? A weak, sensitive, overly emotional, psychologically unstable motherfucker! These niggas are NOT real, they’re mindless, misguided, and mentally ill! Violence and belligerence only impress people who aren’t tough enough to assert themselves in testing situations. But, it’s okay to circumvent conflict, it’s healthy even! People don’t seem to understand that using restraint and having a keen sense of self-preservation are more prominent indications of strength than turning to brutality whenever your feelings are hurt! Don’t get me wrong, I have very authentic issues with aggravation and anger, and my short temper is one of the reasons I’m a loner. Stupid people irk the fuck out of me, and I have come extremely close to literally killing several people multiple times! Do you know why I didn’t do it? Because I am more important to me than anyone else! A reputation is paramount to a “real nigga”. Reputation is defined as the beliefs or opinions that are generally held about someone. Why do “real niggas” care so much about what other people think?! These are supposed to be the hardest, most fortified minds in our society, right? But, everything these goofy-ass niggas do is to prove a point or make a statement! “Real niggas” work diligently, till death, to make you believe that they aren’t the pussy-ass, cowardice, soft-ass, excessively afraid niggas that they know they are! They’re scared that people will think they’re a bitch if they don’t always respond to contests with cruelty! They’re scared to show emotion, because emotional niggas are bitches, so they respond to everything angrily, even though anger is a fucking emotion! They’re scared to progress and advance in life, because if they change then they’re no longer “real”, so they stay stupid and stuck! They’re scared of being exposed for being scared, so they embody everything that most people fear! “Real niggas” are scared of everything real! Who really wants to die young of unnatural causes? Who really wants to spend years, and possible lifetimes, incarcerated for unnecessary crimes? Who really wants to live every day in constant fear? I could never be a “real nigga”, because I’m too real! I’m real, because I can admit that life is scary sometimes, and I don’t give a fuck what anybody thinks about me being scared!

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