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Everybody’s Stupid, XXVIII

If you ask someone, “Why are your shoes muddy? And why are you holding a hatchet?”, after the news reports that a dismembered body was found in the marsh. And their reply is, “Well, when it rains, water turns dirt to mud! And I bought this hatchet to fillet the fish I caught! You know I do this twice a year, stop tripping!”. But you know there’s no reason for this person to be walking in dirty areas, and they’ve never fished before, and they’ve never cooked fish before, and they’re not even an outdoorsy person, what they’re doing is called gaslighting. Gaslighting is when someone attempts to manipulate you by making you question your own sanity. Important people and the media do this every day, most notably, republicans and Fox News. However, you are most likely to be gaslighted by the people closet to you. Firstly, I want to proclaim that I wholeheartedly believe that whole Will Smith slapping Chris Rock fiasco was staged. But I am not the type of person who refuses to admit when I am wrong. Yes, today is April 2, 2022, and “The Slap” occurred on the night of March 27, 2022, but I am still not convinced it was real! Since The Slap occurred, Chris Rock has started a world tour (which sold out most dates right after The Slap), Will has resigned from The Academy (which means absolutely nothing, in my opinion), The Oscars head producer did an interview (and his goofy-ass didn’t say anything I didn’t expect), and no truly persuasive actions or responses have been presented. Here’s the thing, I have a mind of my own, and I can’t be gaslighted! Many people are suggesting that The Slap must have been real, because Will was too emotional, and Chris was too shocked. Will Smith and Chris Rock are actors, who attended an awards ceremony for excellence in acting, where Will Smith received an award for “Best Actor”, and people are propounding that it’s impossible for those two actors to act that compellingly. That’s some of the dumbest, craziest shit I’ve ever heard! According to Variety, and other reputable sources, the 2022 Oscars had 58% more viewers than the 2021 Oscars, but the 2022 Oscars still had the second lowest viewership in Oscars history! Additionally, the New York Post reported that in a poll involving 1,000 Americans, 63% of them said that they’d watch next year’s Oscars ceremony because of The Slap, which again, occurred during this year’s event. Interpret that information as you wish.

In Pulp Fiction, one of my all-time favorite movies, Samuel Jackson’s character, Jules, said some of the rawest, coolest, most intriguing shit I’ve ever heard in a movie! During a parody of his Pulp Fiction character in the animated series, The Boondocks, Sam hit us with, “the absence of evidence is not the evidence of absence”. I’m almost certain that bit was written by The Boondocks’ creator, Aaron McGruder. The phrase is self-explanatory, and it means lacking information doesn’t mean the information doesn’t exist. I believe that any conclusions people draw about the reason Will smacked Chris is just conjecture. Will’s own mother said that she’s never witnessed Will “go off” in his life. If somehow my humble blog is the first you’re hearing of this in detail, Will stormed the stage and slapped Chris after Chris made a G.I. Jane joke about Jada Pinkett, Will’s wife of 25 years. Jada has alopecia, which is a condition that causes hair loss, so she shaves her head bald. Of course, G.I. Jane is an iconic movie about a female soldier who very dramatically shaved her head to appear less delicate to her male counterparts. After Will slapped Chris, he swaggered back to his seat and uttered once, then reiterated louder, “keep my wife’s name out your fucking mouth!”. There are many discrepancies and uncertainties tied to this incident. Firstly, Will initially laughed at the G.I. Jane joke, and Jada very theatrically rolled her eyes in pique. Then, Chris seemingly lingered on the joke, while looking around and boasting, “come on, that was a nice one”. However, except for Jada’s eye roll, the camera didn’t show, and the television audience couldn’t hear, anyone react to the joke negatively. After that, Will struts to the stage, smirking as he approaches Chris, and Chris leans forward with his hands behind his back, like he’s either bracing himself for a slap or expecting Will to kiss or whisper to him, grinning from ear-to-ear, then The Slap. The whole thing just screams stunt to me, and I can’t be swayed to believe anything else.

The joke wasn’t offensive! G.I. Jane, though bald, represents a courageous, resilient, infrangible woman. Those are things that I also accredit to nearly every role Jada has ever portrayed. The Slap wasn’t necessary! Will Smith is not a street dude, he’s not a tough guy, and the way he howled at jokes after The Slap depicts him the way many of us still view him, as a happy and loving person. Of course, everybody experiences a range of emotions. Nobody is happy all day, every day. And everybody has a breaking point. Yet, Jada Pinkett has worked with Oscars producer, Will Packer, before, when he produced the movie, Girls Trip. The Oscars is, and has always been, one of the most mundane events in entertainment. Again, Oscars ratings have dwindled for years. Principally, The Oscars has been tagged as a historically “whitewashed” event for decades, and the 2022 Oscars was Will Packer’s (a black man) first time producing the ceremony, and he hired an all-Black production staff—nothing but niggas! Notably, Jada has publicly promulgated that she loves her bald head, and she doesn’t care what people think about it. As black comedians over the age of 40, who have been colleagues in the past, and who have been active since the 90s, Will and Chris aren’t strangers. Even Harvey Weinstein, a convicted rapist, hasn’t had his Oscars revoked. Will Smith is an A-list celebrity, an icon, a big box office draw, a multimillionaire, and there is no viable threat posed to the future success of his career following a measly slap. These facts, and more, must be considered when evaluating if The Slap was staged or organic. There ain’t a motherfucker on planet Earth that can convince me that Will Packer didn’t sit down with Jada, Will, and Chris to orchestrate and rehearse every event leading up to and following The Slap! I am comprehensively confident that The Slap was staged! So, nothing but niggas produce The Oscars for the first time, and some violent nigga-shit happens on The Oscars for the first time, and we observed Will Smith (the most successful rapper/actor of all-time) lose his fucking mind for the first time, and ain’t NOTHING suspicious about that shit to y’all?! How much do y’all think Will Packer got paid to produce The Oscars? How many more times do y’all think Will Packer wants to produce the fucking Oscars?! Wake the fuck up and smell the niggas!

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